Marshallogue has turned into the exact thing I wanted to avoid from the very beginning. From the beginning, I wanted this to be a place where I could share freely without any pressure about what I’m sharing, who I’m sharing it with, or how often I’m sharing it.
I feel all that pressure now.
It’s not like anyone does it purposely or could somehow purposely undo it. It’s not like I have to write every day or have to write any specific kind of posts or purposely steer clear of others.
It’s all from me, rules I’ve constructed as I’ve gone along that now make me feel hemmed in. That, and the fact that people read now, people I know and love and people I’ve never met or even heard of.
I’ve had to remind myself that they’re all my own rules many times over the course of writing here. Sometimes, I’ve even done it publicly, calling myself out in a post. (I’m too lazy right now to look them up to link them.)
And see, that’s the exact thing that keeps me from writing. I feel like I have to link or I have to write an interesting headline (something I’d want to read at least) or I have to write for a specific date, no getting behind.
So yeah, if you look at the archives right this very instant, you’ll see that I haven’t published posts over the past few weeks, not consistently anyway. And normally, I’d wait to publish anything for the current date until I’ve finished the posts I started for the older dates.
Well, forget that. I’m moving on, not that you really care how I write or publish anyway. And that’s kind of the point. If I were writing for someone else to read this, I wouldn’t publish this. It’s not really worth a whole lot. Except to me, it helps. It helps me blank slate. It helps me start over. It helps me begin again.
That’s the plan anyway. That’s the hope.
