This is it.
This is the longest I’ve purposely gone without publishing here. Thank a secret project for that.
For nearly a decade, I’ve been preparing to die when I’m 30. If I live any past 30, it’s a bonus.
As of today, that 30 year mark is one year away, to the day.
This means all my goals, plans, routines, commitments, and To-Do lists get reset in one year. If there’s something on my list now that doesn’t get done, it comes off the list.
I wanted to learn Spanish. I wanted to try to run a marathon. I wanted to buy a house to rent out.
I tried learning Spanish and got that out of my system. I didn’t really want to learn it – I just wanted to know it. I wasn’t willing to put in the effort. Now that I’ve tried it, I’m okay to let it go.
I tried running a marathon a few years back. I didn’t train for it at all. I thought it would be more existing without training. Like Spanish, I wanted to have run a marathon, but I didn’t really want to work up to it. So I tried it, made it like 20 miles, and now I’m good. I’m not particularly interested in trying again.
I’ve purchased one house in my life. I’ve wanted to buy a house since before I got a credit card, actually around the time I got a debt card as a teenager. I wanted to get into real estate. From what I could tell, that was a good way to make money beyond a typical hourly or salary job. The house I bought, the house we bought – my wife and I – isn’t a rental property. It’s small enough that we might be able to rent it one day, but it’s not the best type of house to rent. It’s probably too expensive to make money as a rental right now.
So, either we’re going to need to buy another house or rent this out within a year, because once May 6 comes around again, all these goals have to be reevaluated. Read, trashed.
Goals without deadlines, rarely happen. And goals that aren’t hit by the deadline, probably shouldn’t happen. That’s kind of my thought process on this.
There’s another piece as well.
Not only does everything reset, I’m also planning to have everything in place when I turn 30 so that I could die.
Like life insurance, a plan in place for my family to be cared for, a will so they know what to do with me and all that aftermath. There’s a list.
And then there’s the day to day of it. If I knew I would die when I turn 30, how would I live these remaining days? More grateful? More aware? More with people? More care for the people and moments and sensations around me? Less worry, stress, anxiety about stupid stuff?
There’s a celebrity with my first and last initials, a man who died preparing for a series of sold-out shows. He’s an icon. Professionally, he was at the top. Personally, not so sure.
I don’t want to go that way. I want to end well.
One year left… to say goodbye.
(We quote unquote happened to just release a song about this. Please check it out here.)
One year left… to prepare, to live, to finish the race.
This is it.
