Maybe it’s a lack of practice, a lack of exercising the muscle. Maybe it’s a lack of motivation. Maybe it’s something else. I don’t know. But my overall self-discipline, my ability to stay focused on a task, has dwindled.
I feel like I’m really bad at it now, worse than I remember before.
If something feels great to do, I’m all for it. I can focus then. I can focus for hours on end even.
On the other hand, if something doesn’t feel so great, if it’s one of those projects that pays off in the end but isn’t’ so enjoyable along the way, I’m gone. I procrastinate. And then even when I finally start, I don’t really start full-throttle. It’s more of a half effort.
As a result, it takes even longer, feels even harder, and creates that much more stress because I’m not getting anywhere.
I think this problem has been growing for a while now, but I’m just now acknowledging it. I’ve never been one to get things done early, at least not things I don’t enjoy doing. Like in school, I was the guy staying up the night before to start and finish papers. I guess I assumed my general lack of go-get-’em-ness was nothing new.
But now it does feel new. Like I said, it feels like it’s gotten worse, not just more of the same.
And the worst part is, I don’t know what to do about it.
