I’ve been lying to myself my entire life. I always tell myself I should go to bed early and get an early jump on whatever important project needs to get done.
In college, I remember going to sleep with an alarm set to wake up super early to finish out the paper. It felt so good to fall asleep then. But I’d always sleep longer than I should have the next morning and/or have less time than I needed to get the paper done.
Sometimes, the pressure made me better. The paper wouldn’t be better, but I’d force myself to get it done in less time that way because when I woke up, less time was all I had. But it never made the paper better.
That same sentiment has stuck with me. I’m always thinking I should figure out how to get up earlier to harness more of the morning, always trying to optimize that part of my day.
But the truth is, for me, it’s easier to stay up later than get up earlier. It’s easier to keep working at the end of the day than start working earlier in the day.
I think I’ve known this for a while, but admitting it to myself is new.
Somehow, it feels like I’m giving up, like I’m finally just saying, “Well, getting up early and working is too hard, so I might as well just give up on it.” And really, that is what I’m saying. But it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It’s like once I kind of admit this to myself, it’s easier to act accordingly, knowing how I actually am.
