When I run out of posts to read

Sometimes late at night or in the middle of a slow, non-working day, I’ll scan around online to find something to distract myself from the hollow I feel. I type in URL after URL of sites I frequent. I scroll down, so far down, on my useless Facebook news feed. I click the memes. I follow the threads. I even try the ads at the bottom of Buzzfeed posts, hoping for something.

A new post revealing some new thought, perhaps written in an interesting way, is all I hope to find. Finding nothing, though, that’s when I know I’ve hit a low.

  • When I’m trying to procrastinate and I can’t find anything interesting enough to procrastinate to…
  • When I’m trying to distance myself from what I should be doing or thinking or saying and even the Internet can’t run fast enough…
  • When I’m trying to drown myself in something – anything – other than the truth and I can’t find anything even an inch deep to cover my nose among the endless stream of updates online…

That’s when I know I’ve hit a low.

Sometimes late at night or in the middle of a slow, non-working day, I’ll feel this. Or I won’t feel anything. Or it’s a combination of the two, empty emotions compressed tightly by the weight of heavy emotions. I know I’m looking in all the wrong places, but still I look.

That’s when I know I’ve hit a low.

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