Feeling better (than everyone else)

Running around with a bunch of guys who don’t necessarily look out for anyone else in the group kind of makes me feel like I’m better than them.

There’s so much going on in that sentence I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s see if I can try…

The first part, I guess, is that while I’ve been on this trip to Egypt, I’ve realized more than ever how little anyone really thinks of anyone else. I’m included in that, of course, but of course I notice it more in others. I notice when someone walks off without telling anyone in the group. I notice when everyone else starts complaining about the guy who wandered off.

The second part is that when everyone gets all complainy pants and ungrateful, I – who never complain or share a scrap of ungratefulness – start feeling sort of superior to these peers of mine.

Why must they complain? Why can’t they just be thankful? I’m sure glad I’m not like that. I’m sure glad I never complain. I’m sure glad I’m always thankful.

It’s annoying to me, really, how much this attitude has crept up on me. It doesn’t feel normal for me. And it definitely doesn’t feel helpful.

I mean, I do feel like I often have a better attitude than the others in the group, but I need to separate that feeling from the feeling that I’m somehow better than them as a result. I need to feel grateful without feeling “grateful I’m not like those other guys.”