10 weird, interview questions I could answer in a heartbeat

In case you’re thinking of interviewing me and asking me some of these ridiculous questions, here are my answers ahead of time:

1. What’s your favorite animal and why?

The elephant. Because it has a fantastic memory, actually cares about its family, and was the animal theme my mother picked for me before I was born so I have a trillion stuffed and sculpted versions of it.

2. If your life was a piece of artwork, what would it be?

My own. Like my drawings, I give it all away to people I love.

3. Why are manhole covers round?

Because you can roll a round one into place. No one cares about it falling on the guy inside – they just don’t want to have to carry a square one.

4. If you were a tree, which tree would you be?

The tree of life.

5. What is the most important part of the sandwich?

The smile. Ask the guys at Subway.

6. How many close friends do you have?

Evidently not enough to get a job without having to interview for it.

7. If you were given a free full-page ad in the newspaper and had to sell yourself in six words or less, how would the ad read?

“Most marriable man – try googling that”

8. If you could be any letter in the alphabet, which would you be?

Q… always leading U.

9. If you were a part of a bicycle, which would you be?

The tires… always in the trenches.

10. Can you tell a joke?

What has its bottom on the top? …a leg.

What’s the most important part of the sandwich?What